When I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer 18 years ago, my best friend/sister said the most profound thing, I think, when I told her I have cancer. She said, Sharon, we probably all have cancer.
You, Tim, and Theo are always in our thoughts and prayers. We send so much love across the many miles. Please consider this a huge heartfelt hug! Hoping 2025 brings many happy and healthy days ahead. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Jennifer, I just read your story this afternoon while dipping a tuile d'amande in my tea with milk. I found it in its little paper bag from Saturday's market obscurely tucked inside my colander. Recently I have been enjoying just sitting and taking the time to savor a small treat while I read something (like your post which I enjoyed very much especially the reference to diamonds and your undaunted honesty.)
Earlier this morning when I left Qi Gong the sun sparkled so, that as I turned to descend to my door and forsake the sunlight for my small monastic maison in the shade of Sauve, I said out loud, "No, you must stay outside and walk a bit."That was when I thought I will go say hi to Jennifer and see what she is up to. And so I walked up la rue de M to where the N99 can begin to be heard over the river and the la rue stops in the face of nature. Then I made an about face and descended to your door, climbed up your stone steps to knock tenuously, and miraculously I was heard! Seeing you rustling up some waffles for Theodore in your cheery kitchen, was such a happy picture! I was so glad that taking the time to savor a small visit (which gave me such pleasure) brought a smile to your sweet face. Sometimes the doorways in our medieval village can seem like walls till I remember they are really just openings. Sending love to you and Tim and Theodore this New Year's Eve. xo
PS The wreath looks lovely on your faded blue door :-)
Thank you for stopping by! It was a treat to see you. I am sorry I was so distracted by my waffling! I hope you have a lovely New Year's Eve. I still haven't packed and have much to do, so we're staying in this eve. See you next year!!! xo
Hi Jennifer. I don't think we ever knew each other at Oberlin, though I know we have some friends in common, like my dear friends Lisa Phillips and Daniel Ford. But I have been following your beautiful writing and your wrenching story, and I've been holding you in my heart and prayers every day since I first heard about what you are dealing with.
Cancer is one illness I have thankfully never faced, though I lost both otherwise incredibly healthy parents to it when they were in their early '70s. (Aggressive prostate and advanced pancreatic.) But I became seriously ill with chronic illness when I was eight-- in fact, I had to use a motorized scooter to get around Oberlin the whole time I was there-- and being in and out of hospitals and medical offices and such has just been my life. My most recent illness is one that is not terminal for most, but it does leave me bedridden and with no energy to be able to correspond. Although I really wanted to write you. I just want you to know that, while I do not claim to understand what you are going through and the fears you have, I do know the importance of friends who stick by you even when you cannot reciprocate in the way you would like. I hope all of your friends keep contacting you and reaching out to you, because you are clearly someone who is invaluable as a friend. In the meantime, I will be sending you virtual hugs from across the ocean.
Dearest Alyson, Thank you so much for spending the time and energy to write to me. I know how much that can cost an ill person and I am grateful. I am very sorry to hear that you are suffering from chronic illness. I must have crossed paths with you at Oberlin. I hope that while you are bedridden that you are surrounded by friends and loved ones. And I am hoping you are not permanently bedridden. I appreciate your thoughts and virtual hugs, and send hugs back to you! xo
It's a testament to the sort of beautiful human you are, Jennifer, that You take the time to reply to every comment, and not just with a thank you but with compassion and concern for others. As you said in your note to me, it takes a lot of energy for someone who is ill-- especially experiencing chemo fatigue-- to write all these responses. I wish that I had not written something that seemed to ask for concern on your part; I was more trying to suggest that while I don't know what you are going through exactly, I have some ability to imagine. And that makes me admire you all the more. You definitely do not need to respond to this, but please know that I am holding you in my heart every day and also looking forward to reading your books. I don't know how you and your work were not on my radar before, except that I can't read that much and don't keep track as much as I'd like on the best writing out there. But now I know, and I'm excited!
Dear one- this is wonderful news , even if a bit tenuous. I love seeing you doing so many beautiful hikes and holiday activities . Happy new year. Love you. For real.
Me too! I am so glad you exist in the world. I wish I could see your face in person. I love seeing all of your photos of you and your beautiful wife and your stunning landscape and home. Sending you love and courage for the new year! xo
I wouldn't dream of leaving you, although insanity in my life can make my responses scarcer than I want them to be. I was that abandoned cancer patient once - abandoned by all but my several besties and my now-husband (who let medical staff call him by my detested ex-husband's last name so he could be with me!). Know that you are treasured!
This touched me so much. I am so sorry you have been abandoned too. I am so glad that you have a supportive partner. It makes such a difference. Sending love your way! xo
I will continue to care! Hoping for more positive news and for all the best for your family, too. I live in the shadow of cancer as well, though not the same kind. I think you are very brave and strong and I admire your writing and your dedication to your family.
Thank you, Lori! It is good to hear from you. I am very sorry to hear that you are also living in the shadow of cancer. I hope that it moves away from you for good one day. If you want to chat about it, please feel free to message me. I wish you all the courage and resilience!
We connected when I wrote you about the AAWE profile. I’ve been following your substack and all that you are going through with cancer. It’s really a scary read, very frightening and awful for you. I can relate to some of it, as I was diagnosed with anal cancer 3 years ago, and was given 5 weeks of radio therapy every day, which really wrecked me. The chemo was only twice so I didn’t suffer or lose hair. So virtually nothing compared to you. « Stuff » continues to occur but I’ve made the decision not to have any more tests. I have no children and am an advanced senior citizen now, so I don’t see the point of going through more medical torture. My husband is quite supportive as I’ve had several skeletal operations etc. since the cancer episode, so he keeps helping me physically among other things! Such as getting a young woman to cook for us, since I really dislike that task!
My sister-in-law died of cancer when her oldest daughter was about 20, I think. She lives in Newburyport, Mass, and about 10 (?) years ago started an association called Runway for Recovery. She gets women cancer patients, survivors or close relative of same, to model clothing from Boston stores at a fashion show and raises money to help the families. She started with about 50 guests, and now it is a huge gala with several hundred guests at a big hotel on the Boston waterfront. She extended her reach to L.A. last year, and this winter will do another in L.A. and one in N.Y.C. She raises thousands of dollars at each of these. I’m so proud of her and so touched by her generosity. You can find Runway on internet if you wish.
I hope this story heartens you regarding your reminder to friends to keep close to those with the disease. It is definitely so, so important. I sent you loving greetings and will keep reading you, including your books!
Dear Jill, Thank you for your long message. I appreciate you sharing your own story with me. I respect that you have found a way to cope with your cancer that makes the most sense for you. How we choose to be treated or not is so deeply personal. And I resist any comparisons between cancers and people with cancer - we each have our own struggles and I don't pretend to know precisely how others suffer. I am so glad you have someone to cook for you!!! What a gift. I am also not a fan of cooking. I've been trying to interest my daughter in cooking (as a life skill! I don't want her to starve when she moves out!) but so far no luck. I am very sorry also to hear about your sister-in-law. How wonderful that she used her energies to help other families! I'll check out Runway. I hope that you are not in pain and I am glad you have a supportive husband. Thank you for staying in touch. xo
I read your Substack religiously--and I am an atheist. Ha. I follow your ups and downs. From a distance, I am crestfallen when you have setbacks and am gleeful with each victory. Today's writing was particularly moving for me. Rooting for you from New York.
Christine! Your message made me laugh. Thank you! It means so much to me to know that my words land in the ears and eyes of actual humans. Thank you for reading my stories, and especially for your glee when things go well! I've been missing New York deeply, soulfully, painfully. At least half of my dreams are Manhattan real estate dreams (when they're not reconcilation with estranged friends dreams or travel/airport trauma dreams or actor's nightmares...). I just miss all those people around me, living loudly. The infinite opportunities to connect with others. I was reading the New Yorker yesterday and read about all these new Book Bars in Brooklyn and I want to go!!! Someday? Thank you for rooting for me! xo
When I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer 18 years ago, my best friend/sister said the most profound thing, I think, when I told her I have cancer. She said, Sharon, we probably all have cancer.
You, Tim, and Theo are always in our thoughts and prayers. We send so much love across the many miles. Please consider this a huge heartfelt hug! Hoping 2025 brings many happy and healthy days ahead. ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Jennifer, I just read your story this afternoon while dipping a tuile d'amande in my tea with milk. I found it in its little paper bag from Saturday's market obscurely tucked inside my colander. Recently I have been enjoying just sitting and taking the time to savor a small treat while I read something (like your post which I enjoyed very much especially the reference to diamonds and your undaunted honesty.)
Earlier this morning when I left Qi Gong the sun sparkled so, that as I turned to descend to my door and forsake the sunlight for my small monastic maison in the shade of Sauve, I said out loud, "No, you must stay outside and walk a bit."That was when I thought I will go say hi to Jennifer and see what she is up to. And so I walked up la rue de M to where the N99 can begin to be heard over the river and the la rue stops in the face of nature. Then I made an about face and descended to your door, climbed up your stone steps to knock tenuously, and miraculously I was heard! Seeing you rustling up some waffles for Theodore in your cheery kitchen, was such a happy picture! I was so glad that taking the time to savor a small visit (which gave me such pleasure) brought a smile to your sweet face. Sometimes the doorways in our medieval village can seem like walls till I remember they are really just openings. Sending love to you and Tim and Theodore this New Year's Eve. xo
PS The wreath looks lovely on your faded blue door :-)
Thank you for stopping by! It was a treat to see you. I am sorry I was so distracted by my waffling! I hope you have a lovely New Year's Eve. I still haven't packed and have much to do, so we're staying in this eve. See you next year!!! xo
Hi Jennifer. I don't think we ever knew each other at Oberlin, though I know we have some friends in common, like my dear friends Lisa Phillips and Daniel Ford. But I have been following your beautiful writing and your wrenching story, and I've been holding you in my heart and prayers every day since I first heard about what you are dealing with.
Cancer is one illness I have thankfully never faced, though I lost both otherwise incredibly healthy parents to it when they were in their early '70s. (Aggressive prostate and advanced pancreatic.) But I became seriously ill with chronic illness when I was eight-- in fact, I had to use a motorized scooter to get around Oberlin the whole time I was there-- and being in and out of hospitals and medical offices and such has just been my life. My most recent illness is one that is not terminal for most, but it does leave me bedridden and with no energy to be able to correspond. Although I really wanted to write you. I just want you to know that, while I do not claim to understand what you are going through and the fears you have, I do know the importance of friends who stick by you even when you cannot reciprocate in the way you would like. I hope all of your friends keep contacting you and reaching out to you, because you are clearly someone who is invaluable as a friend. In the meantime, I will be sending you virtual hugs from across the ocean.
Dearest Alyson, Thank you so much for spending the time and energy to write to me. I know how much that can cost an ill person and I am grateful. I am very sorry to hear that you are suffering from chronic illness. I must have crossed paths with you at Oberlin. I hope that while you are bedridden that you are surrounded by friends and loved ones. And I am hoping you are not permanently bedridden. I appreciate your thoughts and virtual hugs, and send hugs back to you! xo
It's a testament to the sort of beautiful human you are, Jennifer, that You take the time to reply to every comment, and not just with a thank you but with compassion and concern for others. As you said in your note to me, it takes a lot of energy for someone who is ill-- especially experiencing chemo fatigue-- to write all these responses. I wish that I had not written something that seemed to ask for concern on your part; I was more trying to suggest that while I don't know what you are going through exactly, I have some ability to imagine. And that makes me admire you all the more. You definitely do not need to respond to this, but please know that I am holding you in my heart every day and also looking forward to reading your books. I don't know how you and your work were not on my radar before, except that I can't read that much and don't keep track as much as I'd like on the best writing out there. But now I know, and I'm excited!
Dear one- this is wonderful news , even if a bit tenuous. I love seeing you doing so many beautiful hikes and holiday activities . Happy new year. Love you. For real.
Me too! I am so glad you exist in the world. I wish I could see your face in person. I love seeing all of your photos of you and your beautiful wife and your stunning landscape and home. Sending you love and courage for the new year! xo
I wouldn't dream of leaving you, although insanity in my life can make my responses scarcer than I want them to be. I was that abandoned cancer patient once - abandoned by all but my several besties and my now-husband (who let medical staff call him by my detested ex-husband's last name so he could be with me!). Know that you are treasured!
This touched me so much. I am so sorry you have been abandoned too. I am so glad that you have a supportive partner. It makes such a difference. Sending love your way! xo
I will continue to care! Hoping for more positive news and for all the best for your family, too. I live in the shadow of cancer as well, though not the same kind. I think you are very brave and strong and I admire your writing and your dedication to your family.
Thank you, Lori! It is good to hear from you. I am very sorry to hear that you are also living in the shadow of cancer. I hope that it moves away from you for good one day. If you want to chat about it, please feel free to message me. I wish you all the courage and resilience!
Glad to hear this encouraging news. And thank you for your insights about friendships and illness. So very important!
Even with the odds, what a wonderful Christmas gift. Thanks, as always, for sharing your journey. ❤️
Hello, Jennifer,
We connected when I wrote you about the AAWE profile. I’ve been following your substack and all that you are going through with cancer. It’s really a scary read, very frightening and awful for you. I can relate to some of it, as I was diagnosed with anal cancer 3 years ago, and was given 5 weeks of radio therapy every day, which really wrecked me. The chemo was only twice so I didn’t suffer or lose hair. So virtually nothing compared to you. « Stuff » continues to occur but I’ve made the decision not to have any more tests. I have no children and am an advanced senior citizen now, so I don’t see the point of going through more medical torture. My husband is quite supportive as I’ve had several skeletal operations etc. since the cancer episode, so he keeps helping me physically among other things! Such as getting a young woman to cook for us, since I really dislike that task!
My sister-in-law died of cancer when her oldest daughter was about 20, I think. She lives in Newburyport, Mass, and about 10 (?) years ago started an association called Runway for Recovery. She gets women cancer patients, survivors or close relative of same, to model clothing from Boston stores at a fashion show and raises money to help the families. She started with about 50 guests, and now it is a huge gala with several hundred guests at a big hotel on the Boston waterfront. She extended her reach to L.A. last year, and this winter will do another in L.A. and one in N.Y.C. She raises thousands of dollars at each of these. I’m so proud of her and so touched by her generosity. You can find Runway on internet if you wish.
I hope this story heartens you regarding your reminder to friends to keep close to those with the disease. It is definitely so, so important. I sent you loving greetings and will keep reading you, including your books!
Warmly,
Jill (Bourdais)
Dear Jill, Thank you for your long message. I appreciate you sharing your own story with me. I respect that you have found a way to cope with your cancer that makes the most sense for you. How we choose to be treated or not is so deeply personal. And I resist any comparisons between cancers and people with cancer - we each have our own struggles and I don't pretend to know precisely how others suffer. I am so glad you have someone to cook for you!!! What a gift. I am also not a fan of cooking. I've been trying to interest my daughter in cooking (as a life skill! I don't want her to starve when she moves out!) but so far no luck. I am very sorry also to hear about your sister-in-law. How wonderful that she used her energies to help other families! I'll check out Runway. I hope that you are not in pain and I am glad you have a supportive husband. Thank you for staying in touch. xo
I read your Substack religiously--and I am an atheist. Ha. I follow your ups and downs. From a distance, I am crestfallen when you have setbacks and am gleeful with each victory. Today's writing was particularly moving for me. Rooting for you from New York.
Christine! Your message made me laugh. Thank you! It means so much to me to know that my words land in the ears and eyes of actual humans. Thank you for reading my stories, and especially for your glee when things go well! I've been missing New York deeply, soulfully, painfully. At least half of my dreams are Manhattan real estate dreams (when they're not reconcilation with estranged friends dreams or travel/airport trauma dreams or actor's nightmares...). I just miss all those people around me, living loudly. The infinite opportunities to connect with others. I was reading the New Yorker yesterday and read about all these new Book Bars in Brooklyn and I want to go!!! Someday? Thank you for rooting for me! xo
You are such a beautiful writer. Thank you for the gift of your words, your hopes, your fears, your joys. 💕
Thank you, Martha!!! And thank you for telling me. It lifts my spirits so much to hear from you. I hope you are well and thriving! Bonnes Fêtes! xo
I also appreciate your thoughtful responses to folks. Your clarity, integrity, humility, and humor inspire me. xo