This whole concept of "oversharing" hits home in our family. When my unsuspecting, soon-to-become British husband first joined our American household, he decried the lack of privacy. Inside the house, he couldn't understand how my American teenagers knew so much about how I was feeling. Then, when I was diagnosed with cancer within a month after he moved in with us (and bravely stayed, although I pointed out that he hadn't "signed up" for such an outcome), he was amazed at how many people I shared the news of my diagnosis with - friends (not even always intimate ones!), extended family, and even strangers! He was horrified initially.
He has since opened up more himself, and understands it all very well. He's a poet (which is how we met), and that helped him with the whole concept of expressing feelings.
It was a definite culture-shock for him. Was it ever so with Tim?
Oh yes, I know the British response to oversharing very well! Tim has become comfortable with me oversharing to the point he looks forward to reading my Substack columns each week and doesn't mind when I write about him. But I wouldn't think he would ever behave like I do himself... he's much more reserved in that particularly British way. When we were living in London, I found myself desperate for people to stop being polite with me and tell me what they really feel. And I did finally find these people. But it took work!
Detached?! You’re the absolute opposite of detached: passionately engaged and also invested in leading others to be adventurous and bold. Sending a virtual hug and hoping for a new trial soon. xxxx
Thanks for updates. I was born in Scarborough, UK where Alan Ayckbourn rolled out most of his plays. I lived about 15 minute walk from the Stephen Joseph Theatre (both places as it moved) and so we often went. We try to go each time we visit -- sadly not as often as I'd like (too many other places to see:) Oh and we are moving to Aix en Provence in August -- C is starting uni there so I hope we get to meet up again in Paris.
Jennifer, thank you, as always, for sharing how you encounter and process our shared world. This part particularly hit on a place where I've been in my mind lately: "I don’t want to perform a polite, discreet version that doesn’t represent the bloody mess of my insides. I don’t want relationships based on a society’s conception of what are suitable conversation topics." As you know, I am still swimming in, and marveling at, and frustrated by the slowness of, my ongoing recovery from last year's bike wrecks, and part of that is a level of gratitude for anyone in my life, even if their impact on shaping me has been the most peripheral of butterfly-wing flutters. And as part of that, I am resolved to share what's in me with all. The "before" version of me was almost painfully quiet and reserved, with most of my thoughts running through multiple filters of not-wanting-to-trouble-others with whatever it was I was thinking. Now I almost crave the humanity of interaction, even (and maybe especially) if it involves an expression that may be deemed unfit for the conversational strictures of polite or professional company. I don't care as much about who may read a post, or about what the professionally appropriate limits are on sentences I utter over a phone or type into an email to other attorneys, or about whether I am cool or accomplished enough in art in my conversations with brother and sister artists and writers. I have long longed to not be defined by my profession or by social structures, but I have lived often and expressed myself often within those defined boundaries. No more. We are all of us humans, carrying the potential of and deserving of the grace of our humanity. Why should we not express to each other the fullness of the human thoughts and vulnerabilities we contain? If we all just let go of the constructions imposed by "polite society," if we all "overshared," if the world were full of you and full of me and full of Tim and Theo and full of Nicole and Lucie and Eli and Max. If we were all willing to be vulnerable, then those united and amassed vulnerabilities would become our strength.
Sorry. You just hit a place where I've been thinking a lot lately. I appreciate you.
On the AI of it all, I've found for the first time in my almost ten years of teaching a law school course where the final grade is based on a large research and policy paper that I appreciate the poor grammar and misspellings that slip into the papers, feeling that this mean that at least the student was attempting this and not just shifting it over to an AI bot (though I also wonder if the AI is not just throwing in grammatical errors to make me think it's human). I sigh, largely.
What a thoughtful beautiful response, Tad. I am always so delighted to hear from you. I wish you fortitude in your continued healing and embrace your decision to just be who you are and say what you want. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my words. It means the world to me. Lots of love to you!!!
Same as you, I cannot understand people having a "relationship" with what they know is a machine. Let's throw that computing power against cancer and write our own essays. Thank you for oversharing!
Our favourite oversharer - we wouldn't have it any other way. The world is lucky to have you in her hands. P.S. I'm proud to have never received one of your lengthy letters on the importance of spelling and grammar. xxx
Dear Jennifer! I so look forward to your posts! Please overshare away! Our silky oak here in LA is towering over us all, proof that wonderful things go on happening.
I’ve just finished editing a memoir by a woman who courageously left the religion she was raised in, so that she could seek the medical intervention to correct the orthopedic disability she was born with. What a story! Feeling inspired by humans in general and you, dear Jennifer, in particular. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Anne! I love hearing from you. I am glad you have an oak tree friend nearby. And that memoir does sound inspiring! I've been thinking of you and hoping all is well. Or at least some of it all is well. xoxo
The silky oak is very special! We thought it was a weed, but it kept growing. When a finally showed a photo of the weed to an arborist, he told me its proper name. It TOWERS now, against the odds. It’s going to break our fence. I don’t care. I’ll send a photo.
I always enjoy reading your posts, and not just because you have the same first name as I do!😘 The members of Americans Women’s Group in Montpellier will never forget your fascinating and engaging presentation about your life’s work.
Dear Jennifer: I appreciate your over sharing and your essential decision to keep loving the time you have on this planet . An inspiration to me. I would like to send you a book about “seeing into the life of things “ if you give me your address I will. Best and love , Moira PS planning to be in Paris late September and hope to see you there.
Would LOVE to see you in Paris!!! Will try to stay alive for that! Our address is: 13 Rue du 19 Mars 1962, Villejuif, 94800, FRANCE. Love to you both! xooxo
Oversharers unite! 👊❤️
This whole concept of "oversharing" hits home in our family. When my unsuspecting, soon-to-become British husband first joined our American household, he decried the lack of privacy. Inside the house, he couldn't understand how my American teenagers knew so much about how I was feeling. Then, when I was diagnosed with cancer within a month after he moved in with us (and bravely stayed, although I pointed out that he hadn't "signed up" for such an outcome), he was amazed at how many people I shared the news of my diagnosis with - friends (not even always intimate ones!), extended family, and even strangers! He was horrified initially.
He has since opened up more himself, and understands it all very well. He's a poet (which is how we met), and that helped him with the whole concept of expressing feelings.
It was a definite culture-shock for him. Was it ever so with Tim?
Oh yes, I know the British response to oversharing very well! Tim has become comfortable with me oversharing to the point he looks forward to reading my Substack columns each week and doesn't mind when I write about him. But I wouldn't think he would ever behave like I do himself... he's much more reserved in that particularly British way. When we were living in London, I found myself desperate for people to stop being polite with me and tell me what they really feel. And I did finally find these people. But it took work!
I'm grateful for what you share. I've learned a lot.
Thank you for oversharing. Thinking of you and wishing you a new trial soon!
Detached?! You’re the absolute opposite of detached: passionately engaged and also invested in leading others to be adventurous and bold. Sending a virtual hug and hoping for a new trial soon. xxxx
Thanks for updates. I was born in Scarborough, UK where Alan Ayckbourn rolled out most of his plays. I lived about 15 minute walk from the Stephen Joseph Theatre (both places as it moved) and so we often went. We try to go each time we visit -- sadly not as often as I'd like (too many other places to see:) Oh and we are moving to Aix en Provence in August -- C is starting uni there so I hope we get to meet up again in Paris.
Yay! Yes, let’s meet up on Paris! Come soon!
A good read as always- thanks! 🙏
Jennifer, thank you, as always, for sharing how you encounter and process our shared world. This part particularly hit on a place where I've been in my mind lately: "I don’t want to perform a polite, discreet version that doesn’t represent the bloody mess of my insides. I don’t want relationships based on a society’s conception of what are suitable conversation topics." As you know, I am still swimming in, and marveling at, and frustrated by the slowness of, my ongoing recovery from last year's bike wrecks, and part of that is a level of gratitude for anyone in my life, even if their impact on shaping me has been the most peripheral of butterfly-wing flutters. And as part of that, I am resolved to share what's in me with all. The "before" version of me was almost painfully quiet and reserved, with most of my thoughts running through multiple filters of not-wanting-to-trouble-others with whatever it was I was thinking. Now I almost crave the humanity of interaction, even (and maybe especially) if it involves an expression that may be deemed unfit for the conversational strictures of polite or professional company. I don't care as much about who may read a post, or about what the professionally appropriate limits are on sentences I utter over a phone or type into an email to other attorneys, or about whether I am cool or accomplished enough in art in my conversations with brother and sister artists and writers. I have long longed to not be defined by my profession or by social structures, but I have lived often and expressed myself often within those defined boundaries. No more. We are all of us humans, carrying the potential of and deserving of the grace of our humanity. Why should we not express to each other the fullness of the human thoughts and vulnerabilities we contain? If we all just let go of the constructions imposed by "polite society," if we all "overshared," if the world were full of you and full of me and full of Tim and Theo and full of Nicole and Lucie and Eli and Max. If we were all willing to be vulnerable, then those united and amassed vulnerabilities would become our strength.
Sorry. You just hit a place where I've been thinking a lot lately. I appreciate you.
On the AI of it all, I've found for the first time in my almost ten years of teaching a law school course where the final grade is based on a large research and policy paper that I appreciate the poor grammar and misspellings that slip into the papers, feeling that this mean that at least the student was attempting this and not just shifting it over to an AI bot (though I also wonder if the AI is not just throwing in grammatical errors to make me think it's human). I sigh, largely.
What a thoughtful beautiful response, Tad. I am always so delighted to hear from you. I wish you fortitude in your continued healing and embrace your decision to just be who you are and say what you want. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my words. It means the world to me. Lots of love to you!!!
Same as you, I cannot understand people having a "relationship" with what they know is a machine. Let's throw that computing power against cancer and write our own essays. Thank you for oversharing!
Our favourite oversharer - we wouldn't have it any other way. The world is lucky to have you in her hands. P.S. I'm proud to have never received one of your lengthy letters on the importance of spelling and grammar. xxx
Dear Jennifer! I so look forward to your posts! Please overshare away! Our silky oak here in LA is towering over us all, proof that wonderful things go on happening.
I’ve just finished editing a memoir by a woman who courageously left the religion she was raised in, so that she could seek the medical intervention to correct the orthopedic disability she was born with. What a story! Feeling inspired by humans in general and you, dear Jennifer, in particular. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Anne! I love hearing from you. I am glad you have an oak tree friend nearby. And that memoir does sound inspiring! I've been thinking of you and hoping all is well. Or at least some of it all is well. xoxo
The silky oak is very special! We thought it was a weed, but it kept growing. When a finally showed a photo of the weed to an arborist, he told me its proper name. It TOWERS now, against the odds. It’s going to break our fence. I don’t care. I’ll send a photo.
I always enjoy reading your posts, and not just because you have the same first name as I do!😘 The members of Americans Women’s Group in Montpellier will never forget your fascinating and engaging presentation about your life’s work.
Dear Jennifer: I appreciate your over sharing and your essential decision to keep loving the time you have on this planet . An inspiration to me. I would like to send you a book about “seeing into the life of things “ if you give me your address I will. Best and love , Moira PS planning to be in Paris late September and hope to see you there.
Would LOVE to see you in Paris!!! Will try to stay alive for that! Our address is: 13 Rue du 19 Mars 1962, Villejuif, 94800, FRANCE. Love to you both! xooxo